Betrayal of trust, in the form of sexual abuse
by a clergy person, leaves very serious wounds. I know because I have experienced those wounds myself. While I
am deeply sorry for the pain you are experiencing, it is my wish for you to find much hope and direction for your journey
as you read on.
Coming to grips with abuse always involves a grieving process.
Perhaps you are familiar with psychologist Elisabeth Kubler Ross' (1969) work in this area, work that has been applied to
many life-changing experiences. She observed that individuals move through stages of grief from denial, bargaining,
anger, depression, and finally, to acceptance or the ability to incorporate the experience into one's world view and move
on. It may be a long road to that final stage of acceptance. The grief will likely be triggered by reminders from time
to time for the rest of your life, as it is with all major losses.
Perhaps, as I did, you will find anger to be the most troublesome
emotion. Then I came to understand not only the acceptability, but the value of anger when one has been betrayed in
this way. As stated on the Unitarian Universalist Website, "You have every right to be angry and the energy of anger
can be used to good ends. Your responsibility is not for the abuse, but to use this anger constructively - to heal yourself."
(www.uua.org/cde/csm/survivor.html) This guide is one attempt to use anger constructively and so to heal.
My desire is to help you through the Fitness Review Process
of the United Church of Christ. My hope is that you will avoid some of the "pitfalls" that I experienced and that you
will access the support you deserve during this very difficult time. I am not an expert, by any means, and write primarily
from my experience. However, I was fortunate to be given many resources along the way. I hope that these resources
are helpful to you as well. Yes, there is hope to be found in the support that is available to you and in the support
that you may, in time, give to others. I know that God will bless you on your journey of healing.
With special gratitude to Dee Miller (www.takecourage.org ) for her encouragement and contributions to this site.
Understanding Clergy Sexual Abuse
|