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Support For The Journey
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Preparation and Conduct of the Meeting With the
Response Team
"The person meets the representatives of the Committee
and shares his or her perspective and information on the question at hand. The person's support person may also be present
for the interview." (United Church of Christ, 2002, p.58)
You may meet with two Response team members,
typically one man and one woman, usually a clergy person and a lay person. Your written statement regarding the misconduct
should be presented at this meeting. It is best to have a statement in writing in order to include all critical information.
This statement should be carefully reviewed by your support person well in advance of the meeting. You can choose to
read from your statement verbatim or to read those points that are most important. It will be necessary to review the
sexual misconduct policy in order to determine what you absolutely must include. If you want your full written statement
to be considered by the Committee on Church and Ministry, you must make this clear to the representatives of the Committee.
It would be best to indicate in writing all documentation you wish to have considered by the Committee on Ministry.
Sign and date this request. However, understand that this request may not be honored.
Prior to the start of the interview, you may be asked for
your permission to be taped. This is to ensure that the representatives of the Committee (the Response Team
members) accurately report your concern in their summary of your statement. You should consult your support person regarding
this decision.
Be prepared to re-enact some aspects of the sexual misconduct.
You may be asked to demonstrate the inappropriate touch, for example, in the case of what might be considered sexual
harassment. If you are uncomfortable with reliving the abuse in this way, since it can certainly lead to retraumatization,
you can refuse to do so. Discuss your feelings regarding this issue with your support person and/or a therapist.
You may want to provide a statement from your therapist regarding the possible harm of re-enacting the abuse.
Your support person will be allowed to accompany you to
your meeting with the Response Team. Again, he or she will not be allowed to address the members of the Response Team
on your behalf. He or she can advise you if you have concerns during the meeting. You can request to leave the
meeting and speak with your support person in order to receive that advice. Be sure to come to agreement with your support
person as to how you will signal that you wish to leave to consult with him or her.
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Understanding Non-Communication Versus Non-Disclosure
The Response Team will ask you to sign an Understanding of Non-Communication. Of
course, you are under no obligation to sign this document. However, if you do sign, you are agreeing to non-communication
with the minister and his/her family during the review process, a reasonable request. If you do choose to sign, you
must be given a copy of this document. This is not an agreement to non-disclosure. You are free to discuss the misconduct with anyone you
choose. However, disclosure is something that you must carefully consider.
Your Options Regarding Disclosure
This is a very difficult time for you. In order to protect yourself, it may
be best to disclose only to individuals who you know will be supportive and who will keep confidentiality as you request it.
This is not the time to speak to doubters. There truly is no good time for that!
As for disclosure to members of the congregation, again, choose carefully.
If there is a member of the congregation who witnessed inappropriate behavior, it would be very helpful if you could enlist
that person as a witness. Again, it is my opinion that you must choose wisely regarding those to whom you disclose.
As a congregant, you do have the right to present your concern to the Pastoral Relations
Committee of your church. However, consider the ramifications. Unfortunately, there is a very strong possibility
that you will not be believed. Seek as much support as possible about this decision. Those who can help are your
support person, an attorney, a therapist, a pastoral counselor, a trusted friend and indivduals such as Dee Miller.
Dee (www.takecourage.org) has written several excellent books about collusion in churches. For additional guidance regarding confidentiality
and disclosure, look to the UUA website at www.uua.org/cde/csm/survivor.html.
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The Importance of Correcting Errors in the Summary of Allegations
According to The Oversight of Ministries (United Church of Christ, 2002),
the Response Team is required to return a written summary of your statement within one week of your meeting with them.
You absolutely must go over this summary "with a fine tooth comb". Correct every error
that has an impact on the meaning of what occurred. (Do not correct grammar errors that do not affect the meaning.)
To help ensure accuracy, your support person should carefully review the summary as well and give you feedback before you
return it to the Response Team. Keep in mind that the Committee will review this document "with a fine tooth comb" as
well, looking for any discrepancies in your testimony in order to discredit you.
Meeting With the Committee
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